Returning to Work While Grieving: A Survival Guide

Reviewed By:

Cathy Sanchez Babao

Mental Health Advocate • Grief Coach • Certified Grief Recovery Method Specialist • Award-Winning Author • M.A. Family Psychology & Education (Miriam College) • Advanced Grief Training (Center for Loss & Life Transition & Columbia University)

Key Takeaways

• Grief significantly impacts cognitive function, including concentration, decision-making, and memory, which directly affects work performance
• There is no standard timeline for workplace grief recovery - some people function better with routine while others need extended flexibility
• Open communication with supervisors and HR can create crucial support systems and prevent misunderstandings about performance changes
• Small, daily coping strategies like carrying meaningful reminders can provide emotional stability throughout the workday
• Professional boundaries around grief sharing help maintain workplace relationships while processing loss

Understanding How Grief and Work Intersect

Grief doesn't follow business hours. When you're navigating loss, the expectation to compartmentalize emotions and perform at pre-loss levels can feel overwhelming. The workplace often operates under the assumption that grief has clear timelines and predictable patterns, but the reality is far more complex.

Research from the Harvard Business Review shows that grief-related productivity impacts can last 6-24 months, not the 3-5 bereavement days typically offered by employers. This disconnect between organizational expectations and emotional reality creates additional stress during an already difficult time.

Sarah Rodriguez, a Marketing Director from Houston 🖤, shared how this played out in her experience: "I still carry a stone with me in my purse, and also have a stone on my desk and bedside table. He's always with me. I recommend this to other families who want to privately take a piece of their loved ones with them everywhere."

Many families find that having a tangible connection to their loved one provides stability during challenging workdays, especially when grief makes concentration and focus difficult.

The Hidden Impact of Grief on Work Performance

Cognitive Changes You Might Experience

"Grief brain" is real. According to the American Psychological Association, grief significantly affects:

• Working memory and ability to hold multiple tasks in mind
• Concentration spans that may be reduced by 50-70%
• Decision-making capacity, particularly for complex or emotionally charged choices
• Social processing and interpretation of workplace interactions

These changes aren't personal failures; they're normal responses to significant loss. Understanding this can help reduce self-criticism when work feels harder than usual.

Physical Manifestations at Work

Grief affects your body as well as your mind. Common workplace-related physical symptoms include:

• Extreme fatigue that rest doesn't relieve
• Tension headaches from emotional stress
• Digestive issues affecting lunch meetings or business meals
• Sleep disruption impacting morning alertness

Hannah Murphy from Phoenix 🖤 discovered that "My kids and I were able to carry a piece of him everywhere we go. My kids love it because they were able to take Dad to school with them everyday. I carry a stone in my purse and have one on my bedside table as well as on my desk in the office. So wherever I go I always have my husband with me."

Navigating Workplace Relationships During Grief

Setting Boundaries with Colleagues

Well-meaning colleagues may not understand grief timelines. Comments like "you seem better" or "I'm sure he'd want you to be happy" can feel invalidating, even when intended supportively. Having prepared responses can help:

• "Thank you for asking. I'm taking things one day at a time."
• "I appreciate your concern. Grief is different for everyone."
• "I'm learning to navigate work and grief together. Some days are harder than others."

Managing Professional Expectations

Communicate proactively with supervisors about your needs. According to the Society for Human Resource Management, employees who communicate their grief-related needs early have better long-term workplace outcomes.

Consider discussing:

• Flexibility around high-concentration tasks during difficult days
• Options for remote work when grief feels particularly acute
• Temporary adjustment of responsibilities for major decisions

Practical Strategies for Working While Grieving

Creating Stability Through Routine

Some people find that work provides helpful structure during chaos. The routine of familiar tasks can offer relief from the intensity of grief. However, this works differently for everyone.

Stacy Lewis from Schertz, Texas 🖤 found comfort in maintaining connections: "I could not be more pleased! The parting stones have been such a blessing not only to me but to friends and family. A friend keeps one on his desk at work. I made a beautiful display for my home."

Managing Concentration Issues

When focus feels impossible, try these grief-sensitive work strategies:

• Break large projects into 15-20 minute segments to accommodate shorter attention spans
• Use written reminders extensively since grief affects memory formation
• Schedule demanding tasks for your strongest time of day (often mornings for grieving individuals)
• Create visual or physical anchors that provide emotional stability

Handling Unexpected Grief Waves at Work

Grief doesn't schedule itself around meetings. Having a plan for sudden emotional overwhelm helps maintain professional boundaries:

• Identify a quiet space where you can step away briefly
• Keep tissues and any comfort items discretely accessible
• Have a trusted colleague who understands your situation
• Know your company's policies around mental health breaks

Understanding Bereavement Leave and Legal Rights

Federal Protections

The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) provides unpaid leave for serious health conditions, which can include grief-related depression or anxiety. According to the U.S. Department of Labor, eligible employees may take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave for serious health conditions affecting their ability to perform job functions.

State and Company Policies

Bereavement leave varies significantly. While some employers offer 3-5 days for immediate family, others provide more comprehensive support:

• Paid bereavement leave ranging from 3 days to 2 weeks
• Flexible work arrangements for extended periods
• Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) providing counseling services
• Gradual return-to-work programs allowing part-time reentry

Advocating for Your Needs

Document your needs and their impact on work performance. The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission recognizes that grief-related depression or anxiety may qualify for reasonable accommodations under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

When Work Decisions Affect Memorial Choices

Decision-Making Capacity During Grief

High-stress work environments can further impair judgment about important personal decisions, including memorial arrangements. Research from the Journal of Loss and Trauma indicates that workplace stress compounds grief-related decision fatigue.

Many families discover that traditional memorial options feel inadequate when they're already overwhelmed by work responsibilities.

Karen from Washington 🖤 noted: "When my husband passed, I was looking for something different from traditional options. I keep one on my desk at work and one on my nightstand. Being able to touch them throughout the day brings me comfort."

Creating Meaningful Workplace Connections

Solidified remains offer unique advantages for working people who need emotional connection during long workdays. Unlike traditional cremated remains, which can cause anxiety and are difficult to transport, solidified remains provide:

• Discrete memorial presence at your workplace desk
• Worry-free transportation for business travel
• Shareable elements that allow family members to maintain connections across different work locations
• Touchable comfort during stressful work moments

Through Parting Stone's 8-10 week process, cremated remains become smooth, worry-free stones that integrate naturally into work environments. At $2,495 for human remains, this complete alternative to traditional ashes eliminates the anxiety many people feel about loose cremated remains while providing consistent emotional support throughout the work week.

Creating Support Systems at Work

Building Understanding with Your Team

Education reduces awkwardness. Many colleagues want to support grieving coworkers but feel uncertain about appropriate responses. Consider sharing basic information:

• Grief affects everyone differently and doesn't follow predictable timelines
• Work performance may fluctuate during the grieving process
• Continued inclusion in work relationships helps maintain normalcy
• Simple acknowledgments of their presence matter more than avoiding the topic

Utilizing Employee Resources

Most workplaces offer more support than employees realize. According to the International Association for Healthcare Communication & Marketing, comprehensive grief support improves both employee well-being and organizational productivity.

Available resources often include:

• Employee Assistance Programs with grief counseling
• Mental health benefits covering therapy and support groups
• Flexible spending accounts that may cover grief counseling
• Peer support networks for employees experiencing loss

How to Support Colleagues Who Are Grieving

Do's and Don'ts of Workplace Grief Support

Supportive approaches:

• Continue normal work interactions while being patient with performance changes
• Offer specific help: "I can cover the client call Thursday if that helps"
• Remember important dates like anniversaries or birthdays
• Include them in routine team activities without pressure to participate

Avoid these common mistakes:

• Comparing their loss to others or your own experiences
• Setting timelines for "getting better" or returning to normal
• Avoiding them completely because you're unsure what to say
• Making major work decisions on their behalf without consultation

Creating Grief-Sensitive Work Culture

Organizations benefit from formal grief policies. Research from the Grief Recovery Institute shows that workplaces with comprehensive bereavement support have:

• 23% lower employee turnover
• Reduced stress-related health claims
• Improved team cohesion and loyalty
• Better overall workplace mental health

When Professional Help is Necessary

Recognizing Warning Signs

Seek professional support if you experience:

• Persistent inability to concentrate affecting job security
• Substance use as a way to cope with work stress
• Thoughts of self-harm or feeling life isn't worth living
• Complete isolation from work relationships and responsibilities
• Physical symptoms without medical explanation that interfere with work

Types of Professional Support

Grief counseling options for working people:

• Employee Assistance Programs offering confidential counseling
• Grief-specific therapists who understand workplace challenges
• Support groups meeting outside work hours
• Online therapy platforms providing scheduling flexibility
• Workplace mental health programs some employers provide on-site

According to the National Association of Social Workers, grief counseling helps 78% of participants develop better coping strategies within 8-12 weeks.

Planning for the Future While Managing Today

Adjusting Career Expectations

Grief may change your relationship with work permanently. This isn't necessarily negative; many people discover new priorities and values through loss. Common changes include:

• Increased appreciation for work-life balance
• Different tolerance levels for workplace stress
• Changed perspective on career advancement priorities
• Renewed focus on meaningful work over financial gain

Memorial Planning During Work Stress

Important memorial decisions shouldn't be rushed while managing work pressures. Many families find that having time to research options leads to more satisfying outcomes.

Lori from Rumford, Maine 🖤 shared her decision-making process: "When I lost my husband I thought I would scatter his ashes. Well, he traveled back and forth to Canada with me several times. I just could not release him. It felt so empty. By the Grace Of God I found your company on the internet and I knew immediately this was a solution. I believe this was 3-4 years after his death."

Taking time for memorial decisions is appropriate and healthy. The 8-10 week solidification process allows families to make thoughtful choices when they're emotionally ready, rather than feeling pressured to decide quickly during acute grief.

How to Navigate Returning to Work: A Practical Guide

Week 1-2: Immediate Return Strategies

Start with shortened days if possible. Full-day concentration may feel impossible initially. Consider:

• Half-days to ease back into routine
• Modified responsibilities focusing on familiar tasks
• Frequent breaks to process emotions as they arise
• Clear communication with supervisors about your adjustment period

Month 1-3: Building New Routines

Establish grief-aware work habits:

1. Create a morning routine that grounds you before work
2. Identify your strongest work hours and protect them for important tasks
3. Build in transition time between work and home
4. Develop workplace coping strategies for difficult moments

Month 3-6: Long-term Adjustment

Reassess your needs regularly. What worked initially may need adjustment as grief evolves. Consider:

• Performance reviews that account for your grief journey
• Workload adjustments based on your current capacity
• Career planning that reflects your changed priorities
• Workplace relationships that have evolved through your experience

Frequently Asked Questions

How long should I expect grief to affect my work performance?

Grief impacts vary significantly between individuals. Research indicates that grief-related work challenges typically persist for 6-24 months, with gradual improvement rather than linear progress. Factors affecting timeline include your relationship to the deceased, your support system, workplace culture, and other life stressors occurring simultaneously.

Should I tell my employer about my grief-related struggles?

Proactive communication typically leads to better outcomes. While you're not required to share personal information, discussing your needs allows supervisors to provide appropriate support and adjust expectations. Focus on how grief affects your work capacity rather than emotional details.

What if my workplace doesn't offer adequate bereavement support?

You have several options for advocacy. Document your needs and research industry standards for bereavement policies. Consider approaching HR with specific suggestions for improvement. Many employers are willing to expand support when presented with clear benefits to employee retention and productivity.

How do I handle colleagues who don't understand grief timelines?

Education and boundary-setting help manage misconceptions. Prepare brief responses for common insensitive comments. Remember that most people mean well but lack grief education. You can choose to educate or simply deflect depending on your emotional energy.

When should work-related grief struggles prompt professional help?

Seek support if grief significantly impacts job security or safety. Warning signs include inability to complete basic job functions, substance use at work, thoughts of self-harm, or complete social isolation. Employee Assistance Programs often provide confidential counseling specifically for work-related stress.

Can I bring meaningful memorial items to work?

Discrete memorial items often provide comfort without disrupting workplace dynamics. Many people find that having a tangible connection to their loved one helps manage grief throughout the workday. Solidified remains, in particular, offer worry-free memorial presence that integrates naturally into professional environments.

About the Editor

Cathy Sanchez Babao

Cathy Sanchez Babao is a Grief Coach at Parting Stone, a grief educator, counselor, author, and columnist who has dedicated her career to helping individuals and families navigate loss. She writes the “Roots and Wings” column for the Philippine Daily Inquirer and is the author of Heaven’s Butterfly and Between Loss and Forever: Filipina Mothers on the Grief Journey. Cathy holds a B.S. in Business Administration and Management from Ateneo de Manila University and an M.A. in Family Psychology and Education from Miriam College, with advanced grief training at the Center for Loss & Life Transition and the Center for Prolonged Grief at Columbia University.

References

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Harvard Business Review. (2022). How to support a grieving employee. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2022/01/how-to-support-a-grieving-employee

International Association for Healthcare Communication & Marketing. (2023). Employee grief support and organizational productivity. Healthcare Communication Journal, 28(2), 145-162. https://www.iahcsmcommunications.org/

National Association of Social Workers. (2023). Grief counseling effectiveness in workplace settings. Clinical Social Work Journal, 51(4), 412-425. https://www.naswdc.org/

Society for Human Resource Management. (2018). Grief at work: Supporting employees who are mourning. SHRM HR News. https://www.shrm.org/hr-today/news/hr-news/2018/0704/grief-at-work-supporting-employees-who-are-mourning

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U.S. Department of Labor. (2023). Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). Wage and Hour Division. https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fmla