Navigating Grief During the Holidays: A Conversation with Grief Specialist Carla Harvey

The holidays are often described as a season of joy, celebration, and connection — but for many people, they are also a time of deep emotional pain, especially after the loss of a loved one. In this CBS News Chicago interview, Chicago-based grief specialist and Parting Stone Partner Success Manager Carla Harvey offers compassionate, practical guidance for anyone facing the holidays while grieving, as well as insight for those supporting someone who is hurting.

What is your advice for people who are celebrating the holidays for the first time without a loved one?

Carla Harvey: "Grief is really hard to navigate around the holidays, especially really soon after a loss, because, you know, it’s ingrained in us that the holidays are a time to spend with family and friends. And when your person isn’t there, it cuts really deep again, especially that that first holiday without them.

Also, there’s a lot of hustle and bustle going on around you. There’s bright lights, there’s music, everyone’s happy, so it makes you feel kind of resentful that your person’s not there. So these unexpected emotions can come up like anger because you know, your person’s not there. And also a little bit of guilt because if you let a little bit of joy into your life, you feel guilty that you’re celebrating without your person, but grief and joy can exist at the same time. It’s a lot of emotions, but they can all coexist."

Many people find comfort in honoring their loved one through family traditions. How can someone do that during the holidays?

Carla Harvey: "Absolutely. So the holidays are a perfect time to create new traditions for your loved one. You can light a candle for them at dinner. You can save a place for them at dinner. If they love to cook, of course, make their favorite dish or the special dish that they loved.

I’m a musician, so I love music, and music is so powerful for people. So maybe your playlist for the night is all of your favorite holiday songs, you know?

Also, there’s companies like Parting Stone that have created new ways for families to memorialize their loved one. You can now choose a method of memorialization that you can hold in your hand and talk about your person.

I recommend sharing stories around the table about your person. Sometimes people are afraid to talk about the person, they’re afraid of the heavy emotions, but those heavy emotions turn to joy. They turn to laughter. They turn to storytelling, which is healthy. Healthy for everyone."

A New Way to Hold Close What Matters Most

We transform cremated remains into beautiful, touchable stones that bring comfort when you need it. Something you can hold, share, and keep close.

Learn More

What advice do you have for someone who wants to support a friend or family member who is grieving during the holidays?

Carla Harvey: "It is so hard sometimes to just know what to say, but I want to assure everyone out there that may be dealing with someone who is grieving. You can just say, I’m sorry, I’m here for you. I’m holding space for you.

You don’t have to feel pressured to have the right words to say. You can just hold someone’s hand and just, you know, be with them. You can also do tangible things for them. You can pick up laundry. You can do the dishes. You can pick up food. You can take care of the kids. Those things aren’t something that grieving people are going to ask for, but sometimes they really need the break. They need just a moment to breathe for themselves. And so picking up a task or a chore for them can be really, really helpful."

Is it normal for people to avoid pausing and remembering their loved one because it feels too painful?

Carla Harvey: "Of course, that’s a common, a common, very common thing. I think it’s really important to acknowledge grief, to take a minute and say, you know, I’m not okay today, but, you know, you sit with your feelings and again, talking about them, feeling those emotions and letting them happen as they come.

If you need to, you know, pull over and take a break, that’s okay. But feel the emotions because they’re not going to go anywhere. They’re going to fester unless you start to get them out."

Grief does not follow a schedule — and during the holiday season, emotions can feel especially sharp. Carla Harvey’s insights remind us that honoring both the pain and the joy, creating gentle rituals, and supporting each other with presence and compassion can make this time of year more bearable. Whether you’re grieving or supporting someone who is, you are not alone, and it’s okay to navigate the holidays at your own pace.